What is this?

The world is all new to babies. Every sensation they have is stronger than ours – both the ups and downs. And their brains are still developing so they can’t manage big feelings all by themselves.

Co-regulating means noticing when babies are getting stressed and responding with help to soothe and calm them. It also means having fun with them when they are happy and ready for chat and play! And noticing when they have had enough.

Why does it matter?

Every time we help a baby calm and soothe, we are helping them learn how to do this for themselves. We are building the actual brain systems that do this! It seems a long way from a teenager who can make good decisions or have good mental health – but this is how it begins! People sometimes worry about “spoiling” a baby but you really can’t. They will become independent all the sooner if we meet their needs quickly now.

And it is good for us too. Stressed babies are stressful to be around. If we can help them be calm, then life has fewer hassles for everyone.

What does it look like?

Noticing the small signs that a baby is getting stressed
Responding in ways that help them soothe
Or noticing when they are happy and ready for some chat and play

Signs of baby stress

These can be different for every baby, but include:

Crying and fussing
Tense body or tight fists
Looking away, or turning head away
Startling
Fast or shallow breathing

Ways to soothe a baby

Every family has their own ways that work, from gentle rocking to putting on the washing machine! What is true for everyone is that the quicker we respond the better for baby and for us too. You can’t spoil a baby!

Here are some ideas that often help:

Keep calm yourself – see page on being Approachable
Reduce stimulation. Make the room quiet and calm, and use soft voices
Hold and cuddle, gently rocking if baby likes that
Talk gently and softly, or sing a favourite song or lullaby
Check if they are hungry or hot or cold and meet that need
If they are tired, settle them for a nap
Baby massage can be helpful (ask your Health Visitor where you can learn this)
Look at the general routine – try and keep it calm and the same from day to day

Show me some examples!

Video link